Time...time-ing...

Time is the most valuable resurce we have...if we lose it we cant ever get it back...so dont let time pass you by..dont let chances pass you by...you and noone can get them back...so live youre life make the most of your time here on Earth and try to make a differance in your life or in the life of others....and in the words of the master "Octavian Paller"....we Have Time...we have time to shatter dreams and to reinvent them...we have time to recive presents and not understand them...we have time to learn leassons and forget them...so stop thinking you are not good enough..that you are not able to do things...that you are not worth it all...because trust me you are...and there is no one who can stop you...in time you will see that everything you wished for ..everything you wanted...will come to be as you wanted it..or even better ....who knows where life will take you...and sometimes time-ing is everything...if something was ment to be ....it will happane just have faith..hope..and especialy Patience....

Keep Holding On...

Keep Holding On...spunea o melodie...dupa inca o noapte nedormita,stau dimineata si ma gandesc...sa ii spun sa nu ii spun....sa plec definitiv din viata ei fara un cuvant,cum am mai facut?Amandoi am vrea sa stim ce vrea celalalt ...e evident ...eu vreau sa fim impreuna iar tu vrei sa fim prieteni...nu sunt complicat...asta e ...nu poti face pe nimeni sa te iubeasca...iubirea vine de la sine sau e o alegere pe care o facem atunci cand nu suntem siguri ca cealalta persoana are aceleasi sentimente fata de noi...e un risc asumat...de a fi ranit...dar mereu e un "daca"...daca poate va fi ceva mai mult intre noi....daca ma iubeste si ea/el...si eu nu miam dat seama...precum si starea aceia.."ce ar fi fost sau ar fi putut sa fie"...si astfel uni incearca alti nu...alti asteapta...alti nu stiu ce sa faca....in final decizia e la tine...iar tu trebuie sa poti trai cu decizile pe care le iei precum si cu urmarile lor....pt ca in cele din urma tu esti capitanul destinului tau...

pasiunea si dragostea

Octavio Paz definea pasiunea drept “atractia involuntara catre o persoana”, iar dragostea “acceptarea voluntara a acestei atractii”...dragostea dupa mine e o alegere pe care o facem noi ghidati de inima iar pasiunea e o alegere pe care o facem din cu totul alte motive...atunci cum poti sa iti dai seama de ce anume simti?E greu sa recunosti ce simiti ...nu stiu daca e mentalitatea romana sau orgoliul...sau frica de a fi ranit/ranita ce e clar e ca oameni in general se ascund de ce simt...pt ca ii face vulnerabili?slabi?...acest lucru depinde insa de la om la om...eu unul nu pot avea incredere in nici o fata,pt ca oricum in final tot eu voi fi dezamagit.Indiferent cum e la inceput nimic din ziua de azi nu are un final fericit,oameni se schmba ,sentmentele se schimba...doar eu raman la fel...si e trist...sa vad´cum lumea din jurul meu merge inainte..iar eu stau pe loc....incapabil sa ma schimb...si sa merg spre viitor.De multe ori ma intreb De Ce? ce anume astept..sau pe cine astept...uneori cred k trebuie sa am pe cineva in viata mea pt a merge mai departe...iar alteori ca trebuie sa scot pe cineva din viata mea...o pers care in loc sa ma faca fericit ími aduce doar tristete.Oricum ceea ce simt eu pt tine...e ambigu in acest moment...as vrea sa zic ca te iubesc....dar ce spun si fac si la ce ma gandesc tine de pasiune si obsesie...nu iti vreau raul....dar tu nu imi vrei binele...iti doresc sa fi fericita...dar o parte din mine vrea ca sa fac parte din fericirea ta,dar stiu ca nu se poate...Sentimentele care le am fata de tine sunt mereu in schimbare...adorare..ura...invidie...si ma gasesc in situatia in care nu gasesc nici un echilibru...e numai vina mea ca am ajuns in aceasta situatie...si nu stiu cum sa ies din ea...cum sa merg spre viitor dak  nu pot face pace cu trecutul si prezentul...care pt mine e ancorat inca in ambianta ta...

tomorrow....what if

Tomorrow i will talk to you...and tell you what i feel for you...i know it wont matter..bcs i know u dont feel the same for me...but i cant lie to myself anymore that you do..but you cant say it or you cant love me the way i want...it from you...i know i will regret it but its one thing to w8 for you to let me inside and accept that maybe just maybe you feel someting more for me two...and another to lead me on that you may feel something for me..in the future..but they are all lies...all of them...and you are one Big Lie...i am not angry bcs you did what u did with maro,its youre life....i am dissapointed that you asked me to trust you nothing will happane between you two...but it did...the fact that i loved you and we would have gotten together by the end of the week didnt matter....even if its what i know will happane tomorrow i still hope you would say what it is in youre heart...u like me as a friend...or more...i just want to know where we stand...bcs i cant go on like this anymore..i tought i could...but i cant..i cant stay on the line and do nothing and be youre friend and hear with whom you fu*k and things like that....i cant be youre friend bcs i love you and each time i see you..i like you more and more...this will never change...i hope it will bcs its hard and painfull..and i cant live like this....but i know after tomorrow..i will suffere like an idiot for you.someone who didnt deserve me or my love....someone who prefers mediocrity,shallowness and ignorants...but as i once told you girls want either money or a good fu*k...noone wants more then that....

looking for....

in the past few days i was thinking.....what do i want...what do i want to feel?And now in my 2nd year of college i am still looking for who or what i am.....everything is messsed up....as i see it the first semester of the 1st year of college was nice..made some friends-something i sucked in high school- i fell in love...but the one i loved..didint love me back....and the first semester of the 1st year was over...when i left her apartment on the 17th of february 2008..on one of the coldest days of that winter...so cold that the tears that  pored down my cheeks froze...and on my way home on the train..i froze...and got frostbites...but the outside cold the pain of the frostbites couldnt compare with the pain,sufferance that were inn my heart and soul...that day.In all the pain and all that it was...there was something that caught my eye...and it was a word written in the snow on a car...something that surprised me....and what i lost that day...and that was "HOPE"...

In the first few weeks of the second semester i could go back to college...i didnt feel like going....especialy bcs i would see her again..ánd i just couldnt...bcs each time i saw her...i would love her more and more...and i knew she wouldnt love me ..and it would just break my heart again and again each time i will see her...so the 2nd semester was one of the hardest parts of my life...to see her almost each day and know i will never have her...and in my sorrow..i did something i cant forgive myself..i mistreated my friends and didnt care about them...but noone could understad me...and it was clear that the only way i was going was down...and so i ignored her compleatly..no hy..no nothing...i just couldnt look at her..it was to much and it hurt each time i saw her....and in the end of the 2nd semester i was still in love with her...but in some way i got over the fact that she and i will never be together

Remember the word written in snow in the winter...hope...and in the summer dono what was i thiking or way i answered her on yahoo msg...she knew i was angry with her..and she didnt want me to be...but as we talked all my feelings came back...and in the way she was talking it was as if she really cared about me and that she wanted to be with me ..if i just went to the city and talk to her...that 1 week i was so happy a feeling i never tought she will ever give me...but in the end of the week..something changed in her...and the next week when we met..to talk about us beeing together..i saw it in her eyes..the very ones i fell in love...and the ones that from my point of view told me that she is secretly in love with me too..what i was in her eyes that day..was just friendship...and that was what she told me..that she wants to be just friends...just think i was thnking that from that day we 2 would be together...and i was so happy..just to see her break me again..and this time it as far worse then in winter..noone can imagine how i was feeling then...it was as the sky fell down on me...and my heart was ripped out of my body..i was so angry..so sad...so disapointed...so broken....so many things ...i really tought that the word in the snow was just about this that we would be together..but no..it wasnt met to be...

O melodie...un film.....

De ce nu...pt ca atunci....candva sa imi aduc aminte de anumite...lucruri care m-au inspirat..o melodie:David Gray-THE ONE I LOVE si filmul:Definitely, Maybe

THE ONE I LOVE

Gonna close my eyes 
Girl and watch you go 
Running through this life darling 
Like a field of snow 
As the tracer glides 
In its graceful arc 
Send a little prayer out to ya 
‘cross the falling dark
Tell the Repo man 
And the stars above 
That you’re the one I love 
yeah

Perfect summers night 
Not a wind that breathes 
Just the bullets whispering gentle 
amongst the new green leaves 
There’s things I might have said 
Only wish I could 
Now I'm leaking life faster 
Than I'm leaking blood 

Tell the repo man 
And the stars above 
That you’re the one I love 
You’re the one I love 
The one I love 
yehee

Don’t see elysium 
Don’t see no fiery hell 
Just the lights up bright baby 
In the bay hotel 
Next wave coming in 
Like an ocean roar 
Won’t you take my hand darlin' 
On that old dancefloor 

We can twist and shout 
Do the turtle dove 
And you’re the one I love 

You’re the one I love

The one I love.....it's you.....but you will never love me ;(

i like you....but the word "like" is to small for what i really feel for you....but people run away from words like "love"...and it's sad....to see....and it's sad to see you looking at me as just a friend and nothing more....when eversince i realized that i love you...on that Faithfull...autumn night..on the 27th of november of 2008..all i ever wanted was for you to.....to love me back..and for you and me to be together...yeh but what do i know about love when all around me shallowness..greed...are all that i see...and what i hoped for was for you and me to be different and not care about anything other then eachother...but saddly dreams dont come true....and miracles dont just happane....in real life ....just Fairy Tales ...and ....in the end You’re the one I loved....the one i love...and the one i will love forever....and....a day....even if you dont or cant love me back....

si totusi....

                      In data de 30.10.2008 odata cu publicarea studentilor de la cu si de la fara taxa,s-au afisat si specializarile pt sem.2 al anului Doi de studiu la FEAA.Si dupa 5 ani in care speram sa intru la acea sectie...se pare.....ca am si reusit...si totusi..eram trist.De ce?Pt. ca in orice poveste este vorba de o fata...si nici povestea mea nu face exceptie de la regula.Numele ei era Mirela (Mire).

De ce eram trist ? desi imi realizasem unu din cele mai importante obiective profesionale pt mine din acea perioada si anume Finante si Banci la fara taxa? pt ca un alt obiectiv si de aceasta data unu sentimental se prefigurase cu cateva zile inainte ca nu se va mai intampla niciodata.Da stiu cum e faza cu sa nu zici niciodata "niciodata",dar din cand in cand ajungi la anumte concluzi..inselat...minciuni...increderi sfarmate.Au fost atatea zile in care simteam acest citat "The love that lasts the longest is the one that is never returned"...si poate asa se si explica de ce dupa aproape un an de zile de cand mi-am dat seama k simt ceva foarte puternic pt ea...acele sentimente nu sau schimbat desi am trecut prin atatea si atatea chestii desi nici macar nu eram impreuna "Never till then did i understand how it is to lose someone that u never had in the first place".

Scopul acestui blog este pt mine sa imi exprim frustrarile,nelamuririle,tristetea si suferinta pe un suport elctronic pt a nu mai trebui sa il "afisez" zi de zi...ascunzandul in spatele unei mastii false de baiat bucuros,fericit.....